I've always believed that it's extremely necessary to let your emotions out. Sometimes that means crying, laughing, yelling, or just good old fashioned bitching. For most people, they have a best friend, parent, boyfriend, etc. that can be the other end of their crying/bitching/yelling/laughing. For me, I have the internet. Granted, I have a boyfriend, but I'm about to kind of bitch about him. I also have a best friend, though she would probably just tell me to stop whining and enjoy what I have.
Let me start with this: I love my life. Everything is going really well! There isn't anything majorly wrong with it at all, so don't think that I don't appreciate what I have.
That being said, sometimes I am jealous of my boyfriends past. He used to be a big drinker/pot smoker/man-whore back in his early twenties. He would smoke, drink, and talk about the meaning of life with friends. He also spent hours upon hours meditating. He has bi-polar depression and no doubt getting to take a load off in what ever way was available was probably really good for him emotionally.
Now, I'm not saying that I want to be a pot-smoking slutty drinker. Not at all. But I would love to be able to have a night where I could get way too drunk, enjoy thinking philosophically with friends and just generally having no worries.
I think what it comes down to is stories. I have never had any good stories. When my kids ask me what I was like when I was their age, I will undoubtedly answer either "boring"or "I don't remember".
This isn't the case for my boyfriend. He would have stories upon stories of playing paintball, discovering amazing music, DJing at various high schools, smoking, drinking, partying with close friends, a few ghost encounters; the list goes on.
What it all comes down to is stories. What is the point of life if not to make something remarkable out of it?
The only stories that I have that are even mildly interesting (adventures or otherwise life changing) are all incredibly sad.
For just one day can I live my story?
Nothing would be worse than having my epitaph read "The girl who probably did some stuff... maybe".
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
day 13
I got two sign ups today!
It was relatively simple but good.
As a team, my office has gotten a full classroom worth of children signed up the last two days...
Also, I made staff (meaning I can get bonus' and I won't be getting fired anytime soon) AND The Hunger Games is AMAZING! Also, I have to get up early tomorrow which sucks.
Bedtime = soontime.
To Infinity and Beyond,
Caity
It was relatively simple but good.
As a team, my office has gotten a full classroom worth of children signed up the last two days...
Also, I made staff (meaning I can get bonus' and I won't be getting fired anytime soon) AND The Hunger Games is AMAZING! Also, I have to get up early tomorrow which sucks.
Bedtime = soontime.
To Infinity and Beyond,
Caity
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Day 12
I suck. I posted yesterday but it was BARELY yesterday so it doesn't really count....
At any rate, I started my new job and despite how hard it is (it's cold, it's active, and there is a ton of really angry people) I still LOVE IT!
I get to smile all day, dance around, get some hugs if I want them, and save children!
Today I got my first sign up, my first little girl, safe, clothed, educated, healthy. I also got screamed at by a homeless guy with some serious crazy in his eyes. He told me that the best thing I could do for children is to "let the fuckers die".
I personally think that we should let stupid unappreciative americans starve to death and give children who haven't yet had a chance to meet potential the chance to live.
He told me that the problem is that we keep curing the cancer of little children who then have more children....
I have a few problems with that. ONE we have not cured anyone's cancer. We've treated it until it was like "well FUCK YOU!" and leaves on it's own. And second of all, our goal is to give kids education (sex ed included) so that they can appreciate the problems of the world, get work, money, and make an educated decision about whether or not to have more children. As opposed to the hundreds of people who have transmittable diseases, don't know how it's transmitted and end up having a shit ton of kids and spreading it on. I don't want 8 kids on food stamps any more than crazy-homeless-guy does, which is why we teach a man to fish, not just give him one, ya know?
Fuckin' A man, bitches be crazy.
Soon it is time for sleep.
P.S. did you know buying vaccinations for overseas children costs less than $1? Seriously.
To Infinity and Beyond,
Caity
At any rate, I started my new job and despite how hard it is (it's cold, it's active, and there is a ton of really angry people) I still LOVE IT!
I get to smile all day, dance around, get some hugs if I want them, and save children!
Today I got my first sign up, my first little girl, safe, clothed, educated, healthy. I also got screamed at by a homeless guy with some serious crazy in his eyes. He told me that the best thing I could do for children is to "let the fuckers die".
I personally think that we should let stupid unappreciative americans starve to death and give children who haven't yet had a chance to meet potential the chance to live.
He told me that the problem is that we keep curing the cancer of little children who then have more children....
I have a few problems with that. ONE we have not cured anyone's cancer. We've treated it until it was like "well FUCK YOU!" and leaves on it's own. And second of all, our goal is to give kids education (sex ed included) so that they can appreciate the problems of the world, get work, money, and make an educated decision about whether or not to have more children. As opposed to the hundreds of people who have transmittable diseases, don't know how it's transmitted and end up having a shit ton of kids and spreading it on. I don't want 8 kids on food stamps any more than crazy-homeless-guy does, which is why we teach a man to fish, not just give him one, ya know?
Fuckin' A man, bitches be crazy.
Soon it is time for sleep.
P.S. did you know buying vaccinations for overseas children costs less than $1? Seriously.
To Infinity and Beyond,
Caity
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
day 10
Technically it's Tuesday, since it's after midnight, BUT I have a good excuse!
I was filming. I was a background actor tonight in Matthew Lillard film-hopeful Fat Punk.
It was amazing. I got to jump around, wore dark eye makeup with some serious bright red lipstick, got to listen to some good music, meet some good people, and see film-making up close and personal.
Oh, and Matthew Lillard was there so.... fuck yeah!
There was one particular moment when he was directing the main actress, a character named Isobel, to deliver her line with more anger and he yelled "YEAH! FUCK HIM! You're PUNK ROCK!" which made us all laugh.
He was a general badass, nice guy, and it was really a pleasure to get to work with him, even if I was just a background actress.
It was fun to see exactly how movies are made and it was a challenge to keep myself energized enough to continue jumping around and (sorry, I just can't help it) whipping my hair back and forth when I had been doing it for 8 hours straight and it was nearing midnight.
It really was a total blast and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to do it.
I feel like I've gotten myself closer and closer to the idea of modeling and acting recently, and part of me feels like this goal is so vastly different from my other goals.
Right now I'm working at DialogueDirect, a company that helps to promote a charity and works to gather sponsers for underprivelidged children across the globe, and I've always had my interest in sign language and being an aid to any Deaf people that may need my service, yet there is a part of me that is interested in doing the selfish and shallow work of a model or actress.
Either I'm a complicated individual, I'm doing charity work to look better or I'm doing acting/modeling work because it's expected?
I'd like to think that I like charity work because I do have a passion for helping other people, that has been a constant in my life, helping others. And I really do enjoy acting and modeling and I can't really place my finger on why. I'm not sure if it's because I grew up being told that modeling was something I should look into (if I hear about how blue my eyes are one more time....) or if I do it because it's a sincere passion of mine....
But for now, the two interests don't conflict. I can do work for a good company, go to sleep at night knowing that I helped people, and in the same day, go home feeling attractive.... and that has to be worth something.
Right?
To infinity and beyond,
Caity
I was filming. I was a background actor tonight in Matthew Lillard film-hopeful Fat Punk.
It was amazing. I got to jump around, wore dark eye makeup with some serious bright red lipstick, got to listen to some good music, meet some good people, and see film-making up close and personal.
Oh, and Matthew Lillard was there so.... fuck yeah!
There was one particular moment when he was directing the main actress, a character named Isobel, to deliver her line with more anger and he yelled "YEAH! FUCK HIM! You're PUNK ROCK!" which made us all laugh.
He was a general badass, nice guy, and it was really a pleasure to get to work with him, even if I was just a background actress.
It was fun to see exactly how movies are made and it was a challenge to keep myself energized enough to continue jumping around and (sorry, I just can't help it) whipping my hair back and forth when I had been doing it for 8 hours straight and it was nearing midnight.
It really was a total blast and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to do it.
I feel like I've gotten myself closer and closer to the idea of modeling and acting recently, and part of me feels like this goal is so vastly different from my other goals.
Right now I'm working at DialogueDirect, a company that helps to promote a charity and works to gather sponsers for underprivelidged children across the globe, and I've always had my interest in sign language and being an aid to any Deaf people that may need my service, yet there is a part of me that is interested in doing the selfish and shallow work of a model or actress.
Either I'm a complicated individual, I'm doing charity work to look better or I'm doing acting/modeling work because it's expected?
I'd like to think that I like charity work because I do have a passion for helping other people, that has been a constant in my life, helping others. And I really do enjoy acting and modeling and I can't really place my finger on why. I'm not sure if it's because I grew up being told that modeling was something I should look into (if I hear about how blue my eyes are one more time....) or if I do it because it's a sincere passion of mine....
But for now, the two interests don't conflict. I can do work for a good company, go to sleep at night knowing that I helped people, and in the same day, go home feeling attractive.... and that has to be worth something.
Right?
To infinity and beyond,
Caity
Sunday, January 9, 2011
day 9
Another amazing day.
Seriously.... spectacular.
Spent it with A. Started a relatively serious conversation about the whole "where is this going" thing but decided it would be too difficult at this point to really figure things out.
You know who I think would be perfect to tackle this problem? Future Caity and Future Andrew, lets let those guys deal with it.
We went to breakfast at McDonalds, watched Austin Powers, then played Super Mario.
Unfortunately, it didn't end well, I had to say goodbye. But he turned around after opening his car door to kiss me and said "I had to get just one more in"
What is happening to me?! ^__________^
Seriously.... spectacular.
Spent it with A. Started a relatively serious conversation about the whole "where is this going" thing but decided it would be too difficult at this point to really figure things out.
You know who I think would be perfect to tackle this problem? Future Caity and Future Andrew, lets let those guys deal with it.
We went to breakfast at McDonalds, watched Austin Powers, then played Super Mario.
Unfortunately, it didn't end well, I had to say goodbye. But he turned around after opening his car door to kiss me and said "I had to get just one more in"
What is happening to me?! ^__________^
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day 8
I'm more than halfway done with this shit, which is nice.
I'm watching Harry Potter with Andrew.
Hung out with AJ for the last few days which just verified my lack of interest in continuing a relationship with him, not to mention the bullshit he's been spouting all over his "secret twitter".
I've been putting up with AJ's stupid "secret twitter" crap for a year, and frankly I'm tired of being called a slut, a whore, and the bitch, while Gen get's call "the queen". So, I'm pretty much done with all that crap.
Time to enjoy my time as a single person, for the first time in.... 7 years. Jesus fucking christ!
If I ever have daughters I'm going to force them to hold off on the whole stupid dating game that goes on in high school. If you waste your time dating, you end up spending your twenties regretting it.
At any rate, I need to talk to Andrea about the whole situation, Genevieve and whether I should be mad and Lindsey and Jess and the whole damn thing.
Ug.
At least I have a job, a modeling gig, and hopefully a future agency. ^.^
To infinity and beyond,
Caity
I'm watching Harry Potter with Andrew.
Hung out with AJ for the last few days which just verified my lack of interest in continuing a relationship with him, not to mention the bullshit he's been spouting all over his "secret twitter".
I've been putting up with AJ's stupid "secret twitter" crap for a year, and frankly I'm tired of being called a slut, a whore, and the bitch, while Gen get's call "the queen". So, I'm pretty much done with all that crap.
Time to enjoy my time as a single person, for the first time in.... 7 years. Jesus fucking christ!
If I ever have daughters I'm going to force them to hold off on the whole stupid dating game that goes on in high school. If you waste your time dating, you end up spending your twenties regretting it.
At any rate, I need to talk to Andrea about the whole situation, Genevieve and whether I should be mad and Lindsey and Jess and the whole damn thing.
Ug.
At least I have a job, a modeling gig, and hopefully a future agency. ^.^
To infinity and beyond,
Caity
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day 7
I'm typing on an iPad! Amazing. I've been fucking around all day with this thing.
Reading "Uncle Ed's Lap" and playing on the piano.
I had the best fucking day evert!!!!!
I got a job, took some amazing modeling photos and was suggested to a modeling agency in Seattle....
Amazing.
I don't even know what else to say!
To infinity and beyond,
Caity
Reading "Uncle Ed's Lap" and playing on the piano.
I had the best fucking day evert!!!!!
I got a job, took some amazing modeling photos and was suggested to a modeling agency in Seattle....
Amazing.
I don't even know what else to say!
To infinity and beyond,
Caity
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