day 10

Technically it's Tuesday, since it's after midnight, BUT I have a good excuse!

I was filming. I was a background actor tonight in Matthew Lillard film-hopeful Fat Punk.
It was amazing. I got to jump around, wore dark eye makeup with some serious bright red lipstick, got to listen to some good music, meet some good people, and see film-making up close and personal.
Oh, and Matthew Lillard was there so.... fuck yeah!

There was one particular moment when he was directing the main actress, a character named Isobel, to deliver her line with more anger and he yelled "YEAH! FUCK HIM! You're PUNK ROCK!" which made us all laugh.
He was a general badass, nice guy, and it was really a pleasure to get to work with him, even if I was just a background actress.
It was fun to see exactly how movies are made and it was a challenge to keep myself energized enough to continue jumping around and (sorry, I just can't help it) whipping my hair back and forth when I had been doing it for 8 hours straight and it was nearing midnight.
It really was a total blast and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to do it.

I feel like I've gotten myself closer and closer to the idea of modeling and acting recently, and part of me feels like this goal is so vastly different from my other goals.
Right now I'm working at DialogueDirect, a company that helps to promote a charity and works to gather sponsers for underprivelidged children across the globe, and I've always had my interest in sign language and being an aid to any Deaf people that may need my service, yet there is a part of me that is interested in doing the selfish and shallow work of a model or actress.
Either I'm a complicated individual, I'm doing charity work to look better or I'm doing acting/modeling work because it's expected?

I'd like to think that I like charity work because I do have a passion for helping other people, that has been a constant in my life, helping others. And I really do enjoy acting and modeling and I can't really place my finger on why. I'm not sure if it's because I grew up being told that modeling was something I should look into (if I hear about how blue my eyes are one more time....) or if I do it because it's a sincere passion of mine....
But for now, the two interests don't conflict. I can do work for a good company, go to sleep at night knowing that I helped people, and in the same day, go home feeling attractive.... and that has to be worth something.

Right?

To infinity and beyond,
Caity